another day I have to

Its another day, things just seem to keep going. Sometimes one would just pray that they would stop, and that a moment of peace could come, what is peace anyways? I long to be in a state where I am not stressed out, this morning was the opposite of that. First, booking shows = stressful, especially when you work with someone and they are booking one that you think won't do well. Sometimes its hard to stay in touch in amounst all the business, and some friends freak out and take it the wrong way when you try and talk to them (the one time I have a moment). Thus just let me not be in your life please.

My eyes are glazed over today, I think these drugs I am on are keeping me like this - they make it not hurt as much though. I slept alright last night, I had a nightmare - thats life though. It is cold outside today, not that I will be going out, but it looks like it, it is sort of sunny, which makes things a little better. I need to leave - get away to a place where people do not know me. Have you ever felt that way? Its the worst when the things you held closest your heart slowly drift away, and become unstable. Then again, what is unstable? Maybe we as people (myself) make things worse then they actually are, I probably do. I think I get that from my parents.

I am not sure what to do, I was trying to fill out my school application today and it just was hard. I could not focus - I probably should not be doing that while I am on these drugs and not exactly well. I should wait a couple days, I feel as though I have left it to long, and I probably have but I'll have to pump it out sometime this weekend and do that.

How does life become so busy? This weekend is the only time which I am not rediculesly busy. I have to write an essay this weekend, and get ahead on interior design so I am not behind when I have no time to work on it. I am going into the studio next week to do the tracks for the new tuxedo mask EP. I am actually excited about the EP. I know if we could get things together I would love to stay around and do that for next year, I am just not sure if that will happen, or if it is suppose to. Needless to say though, I am stoked to head into the studio.
I am also leading worship in church coming up, I am sort of unsure about it, but I think it will good. I just have to focus and start practicing. I am at youth every tuesday, and busy with school work and normal work. I have started to book shows with Cornerstone Church. I feel as though I am in over my head, maybe I thrive on this, this crazyness that we try to run from. Maybe.

I just need a real friend right now. Someone who could remind me that things are not as bad as they seem, to just be here for once. Hopefully that isnt asking to much, hopefully it doesnt make anyone mad, and hopefully it does not make me see selfish.