Its been a while since I've wrote anything on here, it makes it sort of tough to even know where to start. Where do I start? As most of you probably know, I have been home in Canada for about two weeks now. Its crazy how leaving Canada was a stretching process for me, and now I feel as though I am going through the same process except from returning to Canada.

Its really different here. The weather, the people, church, my routine. Its all pretty different, I guess it just takes some getting use to.

For the past couple of weeks I haven't been up to much - just trying to get settled I guess you could say? Its a lot harder coming home then it was leaving, as far as the jet-leg goes. I still find myself living on australia time once and a while - staying up to late (or early, depends how you look at it) and sleeping all day.

Life will begin to pick up soon though, and for that I'm honestly excited. Either next week or the week after, I will continue work where I left off - at starbucks. It won't be to weird though, I am there so often, it is pretty ridicules. I also have my first show next weekend, and that will be real good. I am real excited that I am going to have this season in my life to chase the dreams of my heart. I just hope I keep my eyes lined on that which is important, you know? Its so easy to get distracted. I will press on though.

Its hard - the whole leaving thing. It was a really bitter sweet thing. Leaving the friends I made, coming home to the ones who are still here, leaving the place that became my home, to return to my original home. I'm just trying to take this one day at a time. To say the least though, I miss it, I miss the people, the faces.

Note to my college friends who are reading this: You guys are honestly the best. You challenged me to grow, you were the friends I never thought I would find there. I miss our conversations and hang outs. I hope that someday we'll do it again, whether here or there - I don't doubt that our paths will cross again.


Well I think thats it for now - soon I will post more about what is ahead for me, and what I am thinking about these days.

Thanks for reading friends.

I'm at this point right now, where I think I am doing the right thing, by coming home, but at the same time - it scares me. I know home will always be home, but at the same time, I don't know if home will be home. You know?
When I first got here I was on this big kick about how the people here, and how they would never replace my friends, and now sometimes I find myself saying that there will never be people who will replace the people who I've met here.

Don't get me wrong, I am coming home, thats a definite, these are just some thoughts which I've been working through.

I was talking to my friend today, who has already returned home, and he said something about how weird it is to live outside of the bubble which you're placed in here. Its much like camp I think. You come, get fed the word, and are surrounded by spiritual people and thoughts, and leaving is... well, its interesting. Its much like a mother bird pushing her young birds out of the nest. They can't rely on her anymore, they have to choose to survive and to fly. I have to choose to follow and to live rightly.

I'm going to be honest - I am honestly just tired of living for myself. How do we live life in a way which it is not for ourselves though. Since we were children, thats how we've been taught to live, with all the influence coming from the media, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming the media, and saying that we as people do not have choice, cause we do. I need to learn how to choose. Since being here, I've got the revelation that we as people need to make choices to move ahead in life, to progress in our faith, and our relationships, now I need to learn how to choose.

Those are just some thoughts.
Let me know what you think.

Yea, I know thats what I said. Still up at 3:00 am? I know, its stupid. I guess I have just been hit today, and I've been hit hard. I honestly have been doing pretty well lately, other then being in a not so good mood for about a week (for no apparent reason). I was sitting in chapel today, just sort of lost, being hit by all these thoughts, all of these questions and these doubts - and as I was flicking through my bible, like I tend to do, I came across this verse which was high lighted.

Lamentations 3:25 - 30

"God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst."

I find it so interested, how we humans work, I mean honestly - lets be honest with ourselves - when something goes wrong, we usually make a big deal about it, talk real loud, make sure everyone knows. Or maybe thats just my tendency? I don't know, anyways! I love how it says: "Its a good thing to quietly hope". I like that. I've grown a lot since being here in college, both spiritually and mentally, and hope has just been something that I've really latched onto. I think that its important for us to hope, because if we don't hope - then we despair, or life is all good and everything is puppy dogs and rainbows - if your life is like that, I am jealous.

"Don't run from trouble". I don't even know how to take that, because it is totally the opposite to what our human nature tells us to do. Everything inside of us is telling us to get in the car and drive, as fast and as far as we can, just to get away - but God says "Don't run from trouble." Take it full face - the worst is never the worst.
I often catch myself saying that... "This is the worst!" as I taste some soup which I should really be thankful for... its more then some people have.

Life hey... I am trying to learn to step out, to take a step back and see really where I am and really examine it all. I think we often just view life through our own eyes, our own glasses - and I think its good to step out of that sometimes.

One other thing.

I've been battling with this today. I have a family member who has had a terminal illness for 6 years, and is very limited now - he also just got diagnosed with cancer. How crazy is that? Its honestly beyond my thought process. I can't even imagine. When your situation is as bad as it gets, all of a sudden something happens to make the weight on top of you even heavier.
How many of you have seen Rob Bell's short film called dust? He talks about us as humans, how really when you get down to it - thats all we are. We're fragile beings, created by the grand creator of all. We're often not as strong as we think we are, thats the problem. I don't really have much else to say about this. I could go on about how I think its unfair, but what good does that do?

"Quietly wait for hope"

Lets try doing that a little more often, I think it would do us all some good.

I hope you're all well friends.
Thanks for reading my thoughts.