Never thought I would see the day

I feel this inner joy today, I don't think I have felt any quite like it before. You know there is that feeling you get when you know you are about to go on Summer holidays - or when you start Christmas break and are so excited to get your present? It is sort of like that, but greater, deeper, today is my last day. Who ever thought I would see the day? For years it feels like things will never end - there is no light at the end of the tunnel, I feel like I should be getting a "well done good and faithful servant" or something haha. I have made it through highschool totally sober and still holding onto my V card.

I am going to try today, to make the most of it? Is that even possible in such a horrid place? haha - I make my school sound like a prison, to me it is somedays, really - I am still thankful for it, for just like the prison provides food for its in mates, so has my school provided knowledge and wisdom which I would not have gained elsewhere.

I am left sort of speachless to be honest.

I am ready though, I am ready to live like I mean it - Maybe things won't be so different once all I do is work, everyone says its no good. I don't think it'll be like that for me, I am hoping not. Even if it is, I want to strive - to live life in a way that it is not a burden, I want to enjoy life - I am so tired of not enjoying it.

Camp starts right away, thank goodness. As much as I dislike the place by the end of summer, it is such a relief to move out there first thing when you're done. Its clean, the air is clean - I feel like I can breathe. I feel like I can love, and be loved. I am scared for whats ahead, but I know God has a plan, and what else matters. I find I worry to much, and that is my goal - to stop worrying. Lets live life like me mean it, in every step, in every hug, in every breath.

If you feel so inclined - hold me accountable to this!

Have a good day friends.