just follow the yellow brick road?
Life; such a large concept if you really think about it. There is so much more to life, than what I see as a highschool student. Or so I am told. Its hard, cause I know that I have like over a year to decide what my plans will be, where i'll go to school, what i'll make of my life, but I feel such a burden, such a weight when that topic gets brought up at home.
For a while I thought I knew what I wanted but it seems everytime I get something solid someone says something that makes me question it. It is so hard some days. What to do with my life? that is a huge question. Well I could work on my rock star skills, but I don't think that will ever follow thru. I could be a worship leader, but that requires me to have school, which in itself it cool but I don't think a worship leader's wage would ever pay off a student loan. I could get into sound production, which would require me to move somewhere large. Apparently I would not make it in a large city cause I am so sheltered, someone is afraid I will get shot or hurt. I could open a nice little coffee shop in a nice city, where the music would be good, the coffee would be the best, and good time would be had. What if it goes under though? My life would be shot to hell basically. So thats a pretty unstable option. I could never get married, buy a small cabin out in the mountains, hunt eat, play guitar, grow a beard and live by myself. To be honest that sounds like the safest option.
It is honestly so hard cause I don't feel I can do a desk job, sure those are the jobs that give lots of money, but is money the biggest thing? I don't need money, sure it would be nice to have a nice house and a nice car, but I don't think that is stuff that I really need. It is really hard to tell what my life will turn out like.
Whenever I start to think about it, I tend to get lost, lost in thoughts, lost in dreams. I sit here and wonder how people just fit into a job, and life is happy happy for them. My sister went right into university, and she came out and got a job very quickly. She is set for life. Its hard watching things like that when I know full well that I don't know where my life is going. There is also the point that I do not want to dissapoint my parents. I know they won't be dissapointed but "they want the best for me", when really I don't think I need the best. Although I am not to sure of what I need right now at all.
When life is like this, where do I turn? I don't feel as though I have anywhere to turn right now. Thats hard to. Friends are a weird situation. I don't really hang out with any of them, cause either they are busy, have girlfriends, or live out of town. If it was summer I could longboard, cause it seems that I think more clear when I ride. Its different you know? There is no one standing there telling me how to live my life.
After all of this is said and done, where does God fit into all of this? Where does my wife (if I ever get married) fit into this. There are just so many questions that go along with it I don't know what to do. The bad part about this all is that Its come up during the week before finals, thats stupid. I'll really be able to focus on finals now hey? Right!
anyways I have gone on for long enough.
I hope you all know where you are going.
If you ever feel alone, plug in the new
bright eyes cd. It seems to cure the lonely spells.
Leave me a note.
much love, zachary michael [lucky]
2 comments:
Hello my friend Zach,
I really want to encourage you, mostly because I can really relate to you, but I have a rather different situation. See I turn 18 in less than a week, I still don't have my drivers (which, oddly enough is required for quite a few programs) and I graduate in 5 months. and Still, I don't know what I'm doing.
See, but I'm not stressing about it, because I KNOW God has a plan for me, and I KNOW he has EVERYTHING under control. Its not like I totally disregard the situation, I just don't stress out about it, becuase no doors have been opened at this point, so maybe I'll take some time off, or maybe he'll let me know somehow, I don't even know. What I know, is that you have like a year and a half to figure out what you wanna do, in in the long scheme of things you are only 17, and have ALOT of life ahead of you to figure things out, so for now... don't worry about it. honestly, at this point in the game it does nothing for you, because I know, all the people that seemingly had everything planned out last year, have NO CLUE right now, and are panicking. so just chill. and live. Thats the advice from a REALLY old and mature girl (haha... not!)
Laurel
thanks so much for the comments, Zach.
This blog is so relevant to me, I forget these words aren't my own. You and me are the same, in this topic but instead Im almost 18 and Im graduating in 5 months.
My Mom made a comment yesterday about procasinating things to the last minute. I've been procasinating my future plans to the last minute. And i feel so... behind. I can't believe how stressed out I am, and how this could have been avoided. Being where I am now, to the extreme, I've realized that I really can't do this on my own. The worries of next year, the worries of today, and tomorrow I need to give to God. God has his own way's of working in my life and his plans are set out for me. I may not know them exactly right now, but I will, when he feels it's his time to tell me. I need to wait for God to open the door, instead of me trying to pick the lock all by myself. You know?
All I can say, you and me being in the same situation (except the clock ticking faster for me) is give it to God. He'll figure this out, he'll figure you out. :)
I hope midterms go fine for you, and you can get all of this out of your mind so that they go well!
p.s. Of course im still going to Stars! Excited: Uh huh!
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