Breathe

Yea, I know thats what I said. Still up at 3:00 am? I know, its stupid. I guess I have just been hit today, and I've been hit hard. I honestly have been doing pretty well lately, other then being in a not so good mood for about a week (for no apparent reason). I was sitting in chapel today, just sort of lost, being hit by all these thoughts, all of these questions and these doubts - and as I was flicking through my bible, like I tend to do, I came across this verse which was high lighted.

Lamentations 3:25 - 30

"God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst."

I find it so interested, how we humans work, I mean honestly - lets be honest with ourselves - when something goes wrong, we usually make a big deal about it, talk real loud, make sure everyone knows. Or maybe thats just my tendency? I don't know, anyways! I love how it says: "Its a good thing to quietly hope". I like that. I've grown a lot since being here in college, both spiritually and mentally, and hope has just been something that I've really latched onto. I think that its important for us to hope, because if we don't hope - then we despair, or life is all good and everything is puppy dogs and rainbows - if your life is like that, I am jealous.

"Don't run from trouble". I don't even know how to take that, because it is totally the opposite to what our human nature tells us to do. Everything inside of us is telling us to get in the car and drive, as fast and as far as we can, just to get away - but God says "Don't run from trouble." Take it full face - the worst is never the worst.
I often catch myself saying that... "This is the worst!" as I taste some soup which I should really be thankful for... its more then some people have.

Life hey... I am trying to learn to step out, to take a step back and see really where I am and really examine it all. I think we often just view life through our own eyes, our own glasses - and I think its good to step out of that sometimes.

One other thing.

I've been battling with this today. I have a family member who has had a terminal illness for 6 years, and is very limited now - he also just got diagnosed with cancer. How crazy is that? Its honestly beyond my thought process. I can't even imagine. When your situation is as bad as it gets, all of a sudden something happens to make the weight on top of you even heavier.
How many of you have seen Rob Bell's short film called dust? He talks about us as humans, how really when you get down to it - thats all we are. We're fragile beings, created by the grand creator of all. We're often not as strong as we think we are, thats the problem. I don't really have much else to say about this. I could go on about how I think its unfair, but what good does that do?

"Quietly wait for hope"

Lets try doing that a little more often, I think it would do us all some good.

I hope you're all well friends.
Thanks for reading my thoughts.